In one week from today, I will have been traveling solo in Europe for nine months. As I look back on the journey so far, I sense that it has been much like a gestation for a rebirthing of myself. Presently, as Winter turns into Spring, I feel as if I am being turned inside out - that many age old aspects of mind and body are becoming fuel for an eternal flame of innocence.
On the night of June 17th, 2013, I sat in JFK Airport, NYC waiting for a flight that was more than three hours delayed due to a bird that had gotten trapped in the engine. Upon finally boarding the plane, I found myself rapidly descending into an abyss of intense fears... So much for the mind's ideas, notions and seeking to overcome fear and doubt with planning!
Perhaps the mind may be stubborn, but at the same time it seems the will of the soul is equally resilient to match it. Life may present us with what seems a completely bitter and undigestible raw experience, which if we allow can awaken all the knowing we already carry within us, to transform this nastiness into a precisely appropriate medicine for our suffering.
Presently in a quiet room in Berlin, I sit, sensing a depth of stillness and peace. I feel much like a little seed that has traveled far, and coming to rest upon the fertile Earth, readies itself to begin a new phase of transition, which will be to grow and further develop into the infinitive network of receiving and offering nourishment. In this process I sense an inner energy momentum - as if many subtle shifts and changes occur within the cells of the body, while the patterns of mind become increasingly transparent.
To enter this inner place, it has been necessary and helpful to leave the familiar spaces, people and life calendars, and meet the residues of fears and emotions that arose time and again from within, in the experience of Unknown. Also, to seek and perpetuate a sense of basic decency beyond the realms of mind, is a priority of life, and this priority guides me onward through the challenges of learning. A sense of humor and a continual practice of detachment come in handy as tools for enduring and developing flexibility - returning to an inner embrace.
Sometimes when the crossing of a challenge can feel overwhelming and painful, it helps to recognize that even this pain feeling is simply a part of the mind's resistance to change. When the way forward appears shadowed, I find that to ask myself the toughest questions and try to allow an honest answer to come forward, helps to deepen trust in myself, and overcome the doubt and fear. Mostly in life I have felt, I know what I want and need better than anyone observing me could say, and that even if so, the process of learning and growing, we each go through in unique ways. Accepting this and gradually fostering with self-acceptance and love, the trust and courage to simply be as we may, brings a sense of wholeness, joy and forgiveness.
The experience of leaving the familiar has continuously refreshed my perspective - the lens through which I view myself and the surrounding world - and with this refreshment has also come a freeing breath of humility. With heartfelt gratitude for all the compassionate support of fellow travelers and the Universe, I embrace the truth of aloneness, and dance in joyful embodiment of uniqueness. May we give time to ourselves to feel, space to explore, nurturance to grow, freedom to be naturally as we wish, and playfully, good-humoredly learn to share and co-exist.
≈ There shall be no individual sense of existence, no individual mind, but rather a union of Mind & Body & Heart as the embodiment of Soul, One will of Love for All, One wish of Solace for all who are seeking. A journey of Uniqueness transforming into Union. ≈
